Giving this a try...

Alrighty well I can't manage to make myself talk to anyone about the chaos inside my head lately. So I figured I'd give this whole blogging thing a try. Not that anyone is really going to be following this. But no one can get mad at me for trying to make their lives harder than they need to be. If anyone I know reads it, it's a voulentary (I know I spelled it wrong) thing and they can take it as they will. I'm just going to throw all this insanity out into the vast world of the internet, hopefully someone, somewhere, hears it. Or maybe not. I don't care. I will probably post several times in one day and then not post again for a few weeks. So just bare (bear? whatever. Who cares.) with me here poeple. ALRIGHT. Here we go, first blog posting. I am not good right now. For privacy reasons I'm going to rename everyone so I can talk all the crap I want and no one will ever know! Just kidding, but seriously. My piece of shit ex, let's call him Amos shall we? (Don't ask) is being... Difficult. He's been acting all kinds of weird since I tried to kill myself about 5 weeks ago. He stopped talking to me for like 3 weeks and we just recently started to attempt the whole friend thing. Whatever. The only bad part is, I can't get the stupid moron out of my head. I still love him... But I have to hide it and pretend everything is okay. I act like it doesn't bother me that we're "just friends" but in reality, I can't stand it. BUT I'll settle for what I can get. Besides. He's happier without me so I'll just bite the bullet and deal with it. He's acting all weird lately though. Like something is really wrong. Part of me doesn't really give a shit and hopes he's miserable. But a much much bigger part wants to fix everything and make it okay. Me and him got into it last night. He was mad because he thought I was "dropping hints." Well you freaking douche, if you knew what was really going on in my head when I talk to you, you'd be a whole lot less worried about "hints." I really don't mean to make things weird between us. But unfortunately, we can never go back to being just friends. There's always going to be that history... Whatever. He's a dick. I hate him. No. I really don't. Damn him... Anyway. I've ranted too much. I'm done now.